Secret Shame 09/24/2011
By Linda Boulanger (Rain~Sailboat~Shame) I watched the boats drifting across the bay, jealous of their freedom, knowing it should have been mine as I began my senior year. They hoisted their sails to take advantage of the gentle breeze. Advantage. That’s what some would have said he’d taken of me. As for me, I wasn’t sure. The guilt tried to squeeze in again. I chased it away. Was he to blame? Was I? I didn’t know. Either way, I refused to feel shame. No. I hadn’t known. Hadn’t known anything other than the way he made me feel. My flesh tingled with the memory of his touch. His trembling hands on my arms after he’d removed my wet shirt. The tickling sensations of his fingertips gliding up and across my back to move my hair away. The sweet softness of his lips against my neck, nibbling their way toward my ear where the sound of my name came to me on a breath, a whisper. A gust of wind rushed around me, cooling skin that burned, yearned for him, even now when I knew it could never be. He’d come to me one rainy night at the end of May. I’d just left the house of a new friend, foolishly walking home alone when the heavens opened up. From a cool evening sky filled with scattered clouds to a torrential downpour, it happened quickly, much like my life. Much like the affair. “Can I give you a ride?” he asked, rolling down the window just enough so that I could hear and see him. I hesitated, and he laughed. “I don’t bite.” He pushed open the passenger door, and I got in, still apprehensive but relieved to be out of the rain. My instincts told me I should not be there, yet something drew me. I was reminded of the moth and the flame. It wasn’t like he was a complete stranger. I’d met him at Allie’s house. No, that wasn’t true. I only saw him there. He hadn’t stayed long. An older man, I assumed he had come to see Allie’s father and left when he wasn’t home. I sighed, trying to push the angst away, and he smiled, just like he had at Allie. She’d seemed so at ease then, casually hugging him before she’d returned to my side, before we wandered off to meet and greet the others she’d invited to her end-of-school bash. He asked my name and I told him, along with my address two blocks north, closer to the bay. We made small talk while he drove. “Looks awfully dark,” he said, pulling up in front of my parent’s home. “Yeah.” My voice shook. I hated staying alone while my parents were away, which happened too often. I foolishly told him so and he offered to walk me in. I should have said no but agreed anyway, feeling more afraid of being alone than with him. He helped me with the key and then the lights, roaming around, closing the curtains I had forgotten to shut before I’d gone to Allie’s. “There.” He smiled. “All better … except that you’re shaking. You need to get out of those wet clothes.” The way he looked at me … I’d never felt desired, needed, never knew what it was to hurt with longing. How could I have known that one night would completely change my life? How could I have known that was how fate worked? * * * * * “I’m sorry,” he said, though not until the morning light crept through the curtains. His words could not replace my innocence or squelch the loneliness I felt after he left my side. My feelings were unjust. Somewhere between that first kiss and our parting, I’d noticed his ring. Weeks later, when I needed to talk to someone, I met his wife ... and learned he had another child besides the one I held secret, growing inside of me. I’d gone back to Allie’s house to tell her, feeling she was someone I could open up to. That’s when she introduced me to her mom and dad. I knew then that I could never tell anyone about what had happened between me and the near-stranger that rainy night in May. A sudden rain halted my retrospection. I turned to go back inside knowing the shelter of my home would not shield me from the drops that fell from my eyes. What a cruel keeper fate was to have brought me heaven and hell all wrapped into one. One more glance at the bay. The boats were lowering their sails, the unexpected rain cutting short their dreams of a perfect day. What a shame. Encouraging Comments & Anonymous Feedback Leave uplifting comments or constructive criticism below. What did you like best? What did you like least? To remain anonymous, just put in "Guest" as your name. Return To Short Stories CommentsGuest 09/25/2011 15:33
I liked several phrases very much - 09/25/2011 15:47
Linda, I am crushed to pieces with this story and sobbing like a school girl..... 09/25/2011 16:06
All this did was leave me wanting more. Lol. This would be a great book. Great job! Well written. Lori Boggs 09/25/2011 16:18
What a heart breaking story. You wrote it beautifully, Linda. 09/25/2011 16:50
This is a beautiful and moving story, Linda. I could really feel her conflict and pain - wanting not to be ashamed of her natural need to be loved and desired, but realizing that one seemingly simple choice can have life-altering consequences, and not just for ourselves. I loved the symbolism of boats and storms for the lost freedom of her youth and the abruptness of a dream cut short, too. Awesome job! 09/25/2011 17:02
09/25/2011 17:09
Excellent, I was drawn in and wanted more at the end. ~Mari' 09/25/2011 19:28
Very well written, I agree with the others, it leaves the reader wanting more. 09/25/2011 20:19
Great story, Linda. Nicely written with an unusual twist. You did an excellent job building the suspense with a reveal that pays off for the reader. Nice metaphorical introspection at the end, too. Chris Janzen 09/26/2011 01:21
Exquisitely crafted as usual, Linda. You keep getting better and better. The sting of regret from a moment this young girl was drawn into is certainly heartbreaking, and indeed is a shame. I love how I didn't know all the answers and had to think and rethink it. As someone else said, it left me wanting more. Very well done! Myrna Gamble 09/26/2011 08:07
WOW, what a moving story and so well written. You kept your readers drawn in from the first sentence to the end. I am one of those who think you might could have used this theme to write a book. Oh, maybe you have :) Thank you for all the wonderful comments on this short. I was pleased with the way it turned out. Oddly enough, the idea came to me as I followed a bus of 5th graders to a field trip and I had to wait 3 1/2 hours to get even the first word down! 09/26/2011 12:09
This is an excellent short! I could feel the intense passion... and then the pain of the central character as she had to deal with the consequences. 09/26/2011 12:39
Oh what a sad story. I so enjoyed reading, so much so, that I wanted more. You did an excellent job and I can actually see this as a book. 09/26/2011 16:42
Linda, I'm writing a lot because I promised! Don't be jealous other writers! I love this story because like many you pose a puzzle. This is a person's life just as it is and she is in some kind of trouble she does not know the answer to. I love puzzles and I am intrigued as to whether I can sort some of it out. If I am wrong... at least I'll have fun trying! You tell me! Cindy Flores Martinez 09/26/2011 22:22
Wow. What an intense story with such a sad and tragic twist. You always have a way of making your words flow like a river. 09/27/2011 07:15
This grabs the heart, Linda, and takes the reader for quite a rainy ride. A pleasure to read! Josef Bass 09/28/2011 21:02
Truly touching story... Good job!! Chris Janzen 09/29/2011 01:25
After reading the other comments and re-reading your story I had to say again how beautifully heartbreaking it was. Beautifully written, but tragically heartbreaking. I know you like to say you love writing "fluff," but this was anything but that. So real and honest, it is a harsh reminder how one decision can affect the remainder of your life and suddenly change its trajectory. The final words area a perfect summation of where she finds herself... Jennifer 09/29/2011 21:27
Beautifully written Linda, couldn't help but get wrapped up in her heartbreaking story. Thank you all for the wonderful comments and support. I have been asked several times if there will be a sequel. I'm thinking probably not for this next challenge (All Day/Speechless/Dinner), although I have tossed a few ideas around in my head where there could be one with that prompt. Still, it's looking like another story will get a priority position for this week. I do, however, think we will be seeing these characters again. I'd kind of like to know what happens! :) Leave a Reply |  Linda Boulanger
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